"What to Expect" Series

Discussion in 'Front Page Articles (working title)' started by simplyTravis, Apr 19, 2016.

  1. simplyTravis

    simplyTravis "A nice guy, but looks like a f'n Jedi!"

    Hey folks,

    I'm wanting to come up with a sort of illustrated article series that pokes fun at various gaming idiosyncrasies and allows me to make sort of mini-illustrations to make the jokes rather than memes. I have a long list of ideas but want to start with Splatoon. I actually have a rough draft of what will go down for the "Squid-Kids" at http://nintendoenthusiast.com/forums/threads/the-great-ct-community-thread.3083/page-159#post-143158 if you want an idea of how this would be written albeit a bit more condensed and cleaned up.

    Right now I'm wanting to come up with 7 to 10 various gamer types that you come up against online. My list so far is:

    1. The Little Brother (the obvious dunce cap wearing level 50 player you play against)
    2. The God Roller/Rollzerker (see my Rollzerker print
    rollzerker semi-final.jpg
    for the illustration. Basically a player like @Koenig )
    3. The Bob Ross (@mattavelle1 essentially. The character who is pacifistic until you put baby in the corner then KRAKEN)
    4. "Squiddies" or Squid-Kids (see above link)
    5. "Remember the Alamo" (the instance of your other teammates leaving which causes you to live through an Alamo like situation where there are far more of them than you)
    6. Japanese Lag Squad (they strike quickly, silently, and bullets go right through them...)
    7. Last Second Ink Strike of DOOOM (#$&#$ @#$! WE LOST BY .1 PERCENT!)
    8. The Overzealous (those who refuse to ink the base)
    9. Sniper Hell (Turtle Sniper, Legendary Japanese Snipers, etc...)

    So...I'm needing some help. Some of y'all have come across various "types" in the game that I might not have seen or you might want to throw your two cents in. If you want to write a section for a type of gamer you see online I will gladly credit you for that section. I will do an illustration for the section you write up too!

    I'll start rough drafting this throughout the week but I think this would be a fun series to start. Other ideas I have are dealing with XCX (The many ways XCX lets you know you amount to nothing...or the hubris complex) and The Lamentations of Only Owning Nintendo Consoles.
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  2. Koenig

    Koenig The Architect

    This thread pleases me. Ill be compiling a list shortly.
    • Like Like x 4
  3. Juegos

    Juegos All mods go to heaven. Staff Member Moderator

    ...When You're Expecting?

    The Grudge. You have a fight with this guy but you both keep each other at bay and end up retreating to safety. Realizing that the way is blocked, you instead decide to go for a different path. That's when the grudge comes up behind you, and kills you. "We weren't done here, coward."
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  4. mattavelle1

    mattavelle1 Fresh starts now Staff Member Moderator

    The "oh just kill me" - When a sniper has shot at a roller 10 or more times and you just keep jukin and walkin toward him with a plan. When he realizes after the 10 or more shots he just finally stands there and says "oh just kill me"
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  5. CitizenOfVerona

    CitizenOfVerona Spectacular Staff Member

    This is one thread I must sit out
    • LOL LOL x 1
  6. mattavelle1

    mattavelle1 Fresh starts now Staff Member Moderator

    This is the saddest post I've ever read
    • LOL LOL x 2
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  7. sjmartin79

    sjmartin79 White Phoenix of the Crown

    Great article idea! One that seems missing is the player that is more concerned with scoring high points each round, but is highly lethal when you get in his way.

    The Beast - All about inking a path to victory, but get in his way and he'll take you and anyone else out, then continue on his inking way as if you never existed... till he has to remind you again not to mess with him.
    • Like Like x 3
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2016
  8. FriedShoes

    FriedShoes Girl Fetishist Staff Member Moderator

    The FNS (Effing New Squid)
    someone gave their child the controls and inexperienced in the gyro, they ink straight down. Or use a roller.
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  9. mattavelle1

    mattavelle1 Fresh starts now Staff Member Moderator

    Who is the guys........wait I got it

    "The Greatest Loser" - This guy is the guy, he has more area painted, more kills, the lest death..........an yet he is ALWAYS on the losing team. Poor fella
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  10. Koenig

    Koenig The Architect

    This sounds very familiar to me... I approve.
    • LOL LOL x 2
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  11. Juegos

    Juegos All mods go to heaven. Staff Member Moderator

    We need to get you in a 4-man TNE team battle to start enjoying this game again.
    • Like Like x 3
  12. simplyTravis

    simplyTravis "A nice guy, but looks like a f'n Jedi!"

    Writing/drawing this up and finished by tomorrow night! Bring it on!
  13. simplyTravis

    simplyTravis "A nice guy, but looks like a f'n Jedi!"

    Alright, here is the rough draft without the suggestions from above. I'll add those in (if there is room) and give credit! Tomorrow I will work on illustrations for some of these and make a "What to Expect..." logo. I will for sure illustrate The Little Brother, The Rollzerker, Squid-Kid Roleplayers, That One Really, Really Good Sniper, The Body Snatcher, and The Bob Ross.

    Please take a look and see if you think anything should be re-worded. I'm working on having this ready for tomorrow afternoon/evening. @juegosmajicos imma tag you just for fun!

    Welcome to my new series called “What to Expect…” In this series I will give you a quick synopsis of what to expect, with visual aides, in a straight to the point fashion. If you have any ideas for a future “What to expect…” shoot me an email at mtlovett@gmail.com

    Today’s edition of “What to Expect…” revolves around Splatoon. Splatoon is an online FPS or First-Person Splatter. It isn’t quite your everyday shooting game. The vast majority of the game involves teaming up with 3 other randomly assigned squid-kids and splashing, dripping, splatting, and occasionally raining down ink on the map. The players with the most ink on the ground wins! Here are the types of players to expect while hopping online.

    Reformed COD Players

    These guys obviously haven’t read the manual and are probably sneaking this deceptively fun game in while their kids are asleep. Their main objective is to run and gun opposed to splat and cover. You will know these guys immediately as they will leave little skinny trails everywhere as they could care less about the ground below. Kill, kill, kill is all they know. Initially they are helpful but in most matches you will find more wins go to the teams that are a bit less aggressive and focus on inking sections of the map.

    (image of splatoon map with large splats where people die)

    The Little Brother

    You will be put in the midst of splattle with a much higher level than you only to find that they spend most of the time looking down or falling off the level. This is the “Little Brother”. Tell-tale signs involve high levels with no kills, leaving beakons at the base, under 400 points at the end of battle, and what will occasionally look like a mild seizure as they get used to the gesture controls. Show this little brother no mercy. They shouldn’t have signed on to this account anyways. Other similar variants involve the “Dad” or “Mom”.


    The Rollzerker

    These players have taken the most simple to use weapon and transcended into something godly. Usually accompanied by Dynamo Roller, this Roller player somehow can move past fire of any type and take out entire teams in a swipe of the roller. They may be slow, but they are crafty beasts afraid of no mere squid-kid.


    The Bob Ross

    Bob Ross was once a beloved painter who ran a tv show all about making beautiful scenery populated by the occasional happy cloud and fluffy bunny. The Bob Ross in Splatoon is generally a pacifist. He has no other concern than to avoid conflict and paint the world in his team color. “This bush over here would look great in a nice cyan. Oh yeah…perfect.” Beware, while the Bob Ross is a master of conflict avoidance, he normally has a full special meter by the time you find him. Don’t put Bobby in the corner or you will come face-to-face with the great Kraken!


    Squid-Kid Roleplayers

    This is one of the most disturbing groups of players you will come across. I say “groups” because they rarely travel alone but rather in packs. These players tend to find a low travel corner of a map to simply hop up and down, from kid to squid, without a care in the world while a great, ink-sticken war is waging around them. They tend to come out late at night when the Land of the Rising sun is juuuuust waking up. I assume the look out their window, possibly at the nearby sea and think, “ I want to be a mother splatting squid today!” Apparently Splatoon is the one place they can get their kicks by laying down a puddle of ink and frolicking all day. Generally these groups are harmless but do not attempt to attack their little Squidtopia. They normally have a sniper lookout and are very violent towards anyone that comes close to their perimeter. The best thing to do is disconnect from the room and join another squad as the Squid focused dysmorphia tends to infect new sets of players and you will find yourself alone wanting to actually play the game while everyone else is living happily in a sea of lies.

    The Body Snatcher

    These guys lay in wait and move amongst the inky shadows. They have excelled in the art of Ninja Squid and will show up and take you down at any given time within a blink of an eye. If you look down at your map to assess where to go next and your partner suddenly disappears immediately run away and don’t…blink…


    "Remember the Alamo"

    Occasionally players will disconnect from your team. The problem is that once they leave…they never come back. This leads you into a situation similar to The Alamo. As your numbers dwindle you will find yourself sticking to your guns, drawing an ink line in the sand, and holding off the oncoming onslaught. You won’t win, but you sure as hell will go out splatting!


    Japanese Lag Squad (they strike quickly, silently, and bullets go right through them...)

    If you are too young to remember The Matrix please take a break from this article and go watch it for a few hours…


    You back? Good.

    These guys exist on another plane of existence that would make Neo think twice about taking the red pill. They can take direct hits, get ran over by rollers, and somehow kill you before they make a shot! I’m not saying that you will lose, but you most likely will lose (unless the Squid Roleplayers show up.)


    Last Second Ink Strike of DOOOM

    SON OF A #$(^& #$*(#@$ #$(&# #$*&(# WE LOST BY .1 PERCENT! STUPID #*@%$ INK STRIKES!


    That One Really, Really Good Sniper

    Without a Body Snatcher you probably will not get very far in levels with any sort of sniper perch. You might as well wait until the next map rotation.


    And with that you should have a good idea of what to expect from Splatoon. I’d like to give a special thanks to @mattavelle1 , @sjmartin79 , @TheAmazingLSB , @juegosmajicos , @Koenig, @FriedShoes , and many others for contributing or being the inspiration for this article!
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  14. simplyTravis

    simplyTravis "A nice guy, but looks like a f'n Jedi!"

    Here is a general outline of the Xenoblade Monster edition of "What to Expect..." Mostly involving illustrations. I'm looking forward to drawing this one. I really want one more illustrated section but I'm having a hard time figuring out how I want it to end visually. It might simply be that the final lizard gets stepped on, then that thing gets stepped on, then on the final frame the player steps on the Wii U breaking it...

    The illustrations are broken down into 3 frames. First frame is generally killing a monster. Frame 2 is posing. Frame 3 is being eaten/dying/stomped, etc...



    On this episode of “What to Expect…” we dive, run, fly, roll, and stomp through the world of Xenoblade Chronicles X!

    This game is the indirect sequel (or something like that) of Xenoblade Chronicles. In this game you will find that every time you think you have become an absolute badass, there is always something far, far more baddass than you.


    (Illustration showing you kicking a small lizard then a frame of the character posing only to be eaten by Momma Lizard which is shown on top of its head like one of the mini-bosses)

    Every…

    (“10 Hours Later” You have killed Momma Lizard, “Level Up”, only to be stepped on by “Daddy Lizard” in frame 3)

    Single…

    (“30 Hours Later” You have a Skell and killed Daddy Lizard only to have a “Winged Grandma Lizard” pick you up and fly away)

    Freaking…

    (“20 Hours Later” You have a flying Skell and have taken out “Winged Grandma Lizard” (punch in sky first frame and then posing second on ground) only to have “Grand Pappy Lizard Leviathan stand up with you as a dot on its back” )

    Time…
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  15. Juegos

    Juegos All mods go to heaven. Staff Member Moderator

    @simplyTravis I actually didn't find any significant errors in your writing, only one instance in the paragraph with the japanse lag players that "get ran over" ("run" should be in the present tense). Other than that it looks perfect, consider it proofread. :mthumb:
  16. simplyTravis

    simplyTravis "A nice guy, but looks like a f'n Jedi!"

    A couple images to be used:

    Little Brother.jpg Squid-Kids.jpg
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  17. simplyTravis

    simplyTravis "A nice guy, but looks like a f'n Jedi!"

    Ok, this will have 4 illustrations. I don't think it is worth the time, at the moment, to add more. I also went back and altered the images a bit to make them more energetic/gestural. Body Snatcher.jpg Little Brother.jpg Rollzerker.jpg Squid-Kids 2.jpg

    I may kill the color on the rollzerker or drop it down much lower. I really don't like it with color, lol.
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  18. sjmartin79

    sjmartin79 White Phoenix of the Crown

    I love these a lot. For the rollerzerker, I would say kill the color or add more variety of color. The all pink/purple at the bottom blends a lot of it together. It's an amazing drawing, and those details deserve to pop!
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  19. simplyTravis

    simplyTravis "A nice guy, but looks like a f'n Jedi!"

    Yeah, the color is officially dead. Huzzah!

    Also, I took everyone's suggestions and mixed them in with slightly different names. Mostly because I see that as a reformed COD player. I made sure to add your user handles at the bottom of the article. Thanks for the suggestions guys!
    • R.A.P. R.A.P. x 2
  20. BobSilencieux

    BobSilencieux Well-Known Member

    With just a very quick glance at the first part of the article, I have these suggestions:

    Today’s edition of “What to Expect…” revolves around Splatoon. Splatoon is an online FPS or First-Person Splatter. [TPS or Third-person Splatter]

    The vast majority of the game involves teaming up with 3 other randomly assigned squid-kids and splashing, dripping, splatting, and occasionally raining down ink on the map. The players [team]

    with the most ink on the ground wins!

    Reformed COD Players

    These guys obviously haven’t read the manual and are probably sneaking this deceptively fun game in while their kids are asleep. Their main objective is to run and gun opposed to splat and cover. You will know these guys immediately as they will leave little skinny trails everywhere as they could [couldn't]

    care less about the ground below. Kill, kill, kill is all they know. Initially they are helpful but in most matches you will find more wins go to the teams that are a bit less aggressive and focus [more focused]

    on inking sections of the map.

    The Little Brother

    You will be put in the midst of splattle with a much higher level [player]

    than you only to find that they spend most of the time looking down or falling off the level. This is the “Little Brother”. Tell-tale signs involve high levels with no kills, leaving beakons at the base, [scoring]

    under 400 points at the end of battle, and what will occasionally look like a mild seizure as they get used to the gesture controls. Show this little brother no mercy. They shouldn’t have signed on to this account anyways. [anyway]

    Other similar variants involve the “Dad” or “Mom”.

    ... I didn't get throught the rest but I'm rather late for work now. Can read the rest later on...
    • R.A.P. R.A.P. x 1
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