In one of the greatest scares of his life, a Gamestop customer in Missouri caught an employee slipping a copy of Fallout 76 into his plastic bag as he was checking out. 24-year-old Devon Martinez said he was shocked by the close call.
“Fallout 76 really intrigued me when it was first announced,” said Martinez. “I could totally get down with Mountain Mama! After I saw that the game was a nuclear disaster, I knew I had to stay away. But sneaking it in with my copy of Kingdom Hearts 3? That’s evil, man.”
Bethesda has been trying to unload Fallout 76 onto innocent gamers for nearly 6 months now. Recently, the game has been bundled online for free with $5 accessories. The company has also tried to sneak the game into the mailbox of grandmas, hoping they would gift the game unknowingly to their 16-year-old grandchild.
Bethesda stood firm in its delivery approach, however.
“Our games sell millions. Period,” said Bethesda’s Tom Howard. “Our next phase involves delivering Fallout 76 by swapping out the game with the babies being delivered by storks. I mean, who would want a pooping and crying baby when they can go back to *begins singing* Almost heaven, West Virginia…”
At printing, Howard was spotted slipping copies of Fallout 76 into college acceptance letters. On top of the cases, Howard was writing sticky notes that said: “Visit the Shenandoah River. It’s better than college!”
Note: This is a work of satire and not intended to be considered factual in any way.