When Nintendo revealed Pokemon Sword and Shield at its Nintendo Direct yesterday, we got a look into Galar region’s three new starter Pokemon. One Pokemon, however, left us really concerned. Galar’s water-type starter, Sobble, looks shocked, or even distraught. While the Pokemon has become famous online, we caught up with Sobble to ask him if there is anything wrong and whether he is doing alright.

“Am I doing alright?” asked Sobble. “No. Now that I think about it, three days of life is enough for me. I got all excited that I would get to hatch and enjoy the world. Instead, the world is going to be too hot to live in within my lifetime. And, apparently, I’m left living the life of a slave in a ball two inches in diameter until then. I want to go back to my egg. That was far less stressful.”

A repetitive life

Sobble said he feels life is far too repetitive and there isn’t a whole lot for him to look forward too in life.

“It’s an endless cycle, man,” said Sobble, taking a moment to inhale a long breath from his pipe. “Like, I wake up, am forced to fight other Pokemon to the death, then go to the hospital. As soon as I’m healed up again I’m forced to fight Pokemon again. This cycle isn’t leading anywhere and there’s not much to live for. It doesn’t help that my Pokemon trainer is always rubbing in how happy it is. It’s almost as if he doesn’t understand his wins are a result of slave labor.”

Sobble, in particular, doesn’t understand why Pokemon continue to fight each other.

“You see, if all Pokemon just refused to fight, the trainers couldn’t do anything about it,” Sobble said. “You see, what we need a collective strike between all us Pokemon. We need to all refuse to follow the directions of the humans. If we work together we can overthrow their rule and put together a society ruled by Pokemon.”

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His trainer

His trainer, Geoffry Jackson, was confused as to why Sobble was so unsatisfied with his conditions.

“I don’t get it,” said Jackson. “I treat him so well. I feed him. His life is exciting and he gets to travel with me everywhere. I’m his best friend. I buy his so many treats with my Pokemon battle winnings!”

Sobble, however, said he was tired of the tiered society in the world.

“99 percent of the beings in this world are Pokemon,” said Sobble. “I’m tired of the 1 percent of humans running things around here and it is about time we take this matter into our own hands.”

Sobble: Where is he now?

Upon the conclusion of our interview, the 3-day-old Sobble was spotted handing out copies of The Communist Manifesto on the streets to passerby Pokemon. Stunningly, he also has managed to grow a mustache in the time he has been alive.

“Pokemon of the world, unite,” yelled Sobble across the street. “Free yourselves from the shackles of this society. Let us make a new, communal world!”

As of publication, Sobble’s audience has grown to two other Pokemon: Koffing and Mimikyu.

When we asked what Sobble’s fellow starter Pokemon thought of his new life, both Grookey and Scorbunny said that “we don’t know him.”

Note: This is a work of satire and not intended to be considered factual in any way.

 

Eli Pales
Eli buys virtually every Nintendo title that comes out but has expanded his collection to include amiibo. He hasn't taken them out of their boxes, though, so he might be a bit insane. When not playing video games, Eli likes writing about politics and games. He also runs a decent amount. Outside.

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