In a Nintendo Direct that premiered earlier today, Nintendo revealed that Pokemon Sword and Shield will feature 83 new creatures other than the starter Pokemon, all of them variants of ice cream. Junichi Masuda, the director of the Pokemon series, said he hopes these Pokemon will allow Nintendo to explore an element of the Pokemon world in a way they had never done before.

Note: This is a work of satire and not intended to be considered factual in any way.

“In previous Pokemon games, we always had a breadth of Pokemon creatures for each generation. As a result, we could never really go deep into a certain type of creature design,” Masuda said. “As a result, this time we decided we would flex our creative muscles to the maximum. This time, instead of creating a generation of completely different Pokemon, we’re going to focus on going really deep into various types of ice cream Pokemon.”

The inspiration for Pokemon Sword and Shield

Although a strange idea, Masuda said he was inspired to go into this direction due to the reception that a few Gen V Pokemon received.

Pokémon Sword Pokémon Shield Pokemon Sword Pokemon Shield

“So, we had a bunch of fans – thousands, in fact – write in complaining that they didn’t like our Pokemon Vanillite, Vanillish, and Vanilluxe,” began Masuda. “I get it. Not everyone likes the vanilla flavor in ice cream. Or, maybe vanilla was your favorite type of ice cream and just ended up eating the Pokemon instead of using it to battle. We understand these problems! So, we decided to introduce a ton of new ice cream Pokemon to suit any type of player. Maybe you like chocolate, maybe you like rocky road, or maybe you’re a weirdo that likes garlic ice cream. No matter your preference, we’ll have 83 different types of ice cream Pokemon for you to choose from!”

UK-specific Pokemon?

Masuda even teased some types of Pokemon that will delight fans living in the UK.

“As you know,” Masuda said, “Pokemon Sword and Shield are inspired by the UK. So, we have Pokemon styled to look like marmite ice cream, a football (soccer ball, for you silly Americans) ice cream, and even made a popsicle stick of the Queen (God save her)! Every player will be able to catch ’em all in the new region!”

At the end of the Direct, Masuda teased something even more exciting. Apparently Gen 9 Pokemon will all be based on different types of birds!

“We just felt Pokemon doesn’t have nearly enough bird Pokemon yet,” explained Masuda.

We will keep you updated as these new ice cream Pokemon are revealed.

Eli Pales
Eli buys virtually every Nintendo title that comes out but has expanded his collection to include amiibo. He hasn't taken them out of their boxes, though, so he might be a bit insane. When not playing video games, Eli likes writing about politics and games. He also runs a decent amount. Outside.

    1 Comment

    1. I can’t wait for Chocolite, Chocoluxe and Alcremie Ice Cream Cake variants galore. The new story is that yo have to stop the evil team from using the SwordDog from cutting open every cake in Galar.

      Honestly, I wouldn’t mind a regional variant of Vanillite that was chocolate or something. It could be Ice/Rock. On that note, the Pokemon designs are one of the few areas of praise I have for Gen 8. Except for Impadimp. He sucks.

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