Well, this one is a doozy. Coming off her shock announcement that Dumbledore and Grindelwald had an intense affair, JK Rowling has revealed that the wizards weren’t the only ones getting steamy. In fact, Rowling revealed that Link and Tingle also had an “intense sexual relationship” that peaked in Wind Waker.
Note: This is a work of satire and not intended to be considered factual in any way.
“You know, you had a poor, lonely Link in the middle of the ocean,” said Rowling. “He would sail for days at a time with no companions in sight. He would only see Tingle from time to time at random islands. Clearly, this was a recipe for their intense love.”
We reached out to Nintendo to see if the company could confirm Rowling’s report. Nintendo reached back saying that it “doesn’t comment on rumors and speculation.”
Rowling, however, says that this denial is just further evidence of the relationship.
“It’s true, they’re just trying to keep it hidden,” Rowling claimed. “Their refusal to comment is further proof. After all, if someone does not want to comment on something, it is clear it’s because it’s true.”
Rowling said she would make it her mission to reveal all of Nintendo’s hidden relationships. She said that this would prove that Nintendo has been LGBT-friendly its entire existence.
“Yea, Nintendo and my books have always been supportive of the LGBT community,” said Rowling. “Back when it was still unpopular, both our companies were putting ourselves out there in support of the community.”
When asked why Nintendo didn’t just make the relationship obvious if it really existed, Rowling said that “it’s much more fun when we can use our imagination.”
Next up, Rowling has set her sights on exposing the true nature of Yoshi and Birdo’s relationship.
“Really, Nintendo has been supportive of dino-birdo love all along,” said Rowling. “We have to accept that Nintendo has been progressive on this issue from the very beginning.”
Eli buys virtually every Nintendo title that comes out but has expanded his collection to include amiibo. He hasn’t taken them out of their boxes, though, so he might be a bit insane. When not playing video games, Eli likes writing about politics and games. He also runs a decent amount. Outside.