[This week Nintendo Enthusiast is made possible by Deadly Premonition: Origins. This is a sponsored post.]
That’s right! Another Deadly Premonition game is out. Instead of trying to explain this batshit insane series, we thought using an AI program to generate an original horror short story would be easier, and probably end up making slightly more sense.
Judge for yourself, as NE proudly presents: “The Tattered Teapot!”
The Tattered Teapot
Flora Gobble looked at the tattered teapot in her hands and felt anxious.
She walked over to the window and reflected on her deserted surroundings. She had always hated creepy San Diego with its impossible, iffy igloos. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel anxious.
Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Luke Gump. Luke was a sinister gamer with ginger thighs and vast eyelashes.
Flora gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a cute, violent, whiskey drinker with blonde thighs and wobbly eyelashes. Her friends saw her as a vivacious, villainous volcano. Once, she had even brought a stingy old lady back from the brink of death.
But not even a cute person who had once brought a stingy old lady back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Luke had in store today.
The rain hammered like boating koalas, making Flora jumpy.
As Flora stepped outside and Luke came closer, she could see the juicy smile on his face.
“I am here because I want a wifi code,” Luke bellowed, in a friendly tone. He slammed his fist against Flora’s chest, with the force of 4953 red pandas. “I frigging hate you, Flora Gobble.”
Flora looked back, even more jumpy and still fingering the tattered teapot. “Luke, I ate your puppy,” she replied.
They looked at each other with puzzled feelings, like two knowing, kaleidoscopic kittens bouncing at a very arrogant rave, which had R&B music playing in the background and two tactless uncles smiling to the beat.
Flora studied Luke’s ginger thighs and vast eyelashes. Eventually, she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you a wifi code,” she explained, in pitying tones.
Luke looked barmy, his body raw like a plain, puny piano.
Flora could actually hear Luke’s body shatter into 4451 pieces. Then the sinister gamer hurried away into the distance.
Not even a glass of whiskey would calm Flora’s nerves tonight.
Not that you’ll be able to surpass this Mad Libs masterwork, but if you submit your own story using Plot Generator, you’ll be entered into a drawing for a chance at the possibility to perhaps someday win a Switch code for Deadly Premonition: Origins. Hit up our sister site, Destructoid, for more cracks at the game.