Galarian Slowbro spices Galarian Slowpoke spices

The teaser for the upcoming Pokémon Sword and Shield Isle of Armor and Crown Tundra DLC dropped this morning, and it was a nice little sizzle reel. It featured locations, new forms, old favorites, a release date, the Tree, and, of course, Slowbro. The majestic Hermit Crab Pokémon has a new form found exclusively on the Isle of Armor, and it’s great to finally see after the marvelous gift of Galarian Slowpoke that players received a few months ago. It’s ditched its Water type for Poison, uses its symbiotic Shellder as an arm cannon, and even has a signature move called Shell Side Arm.

Slowbro attack

This is a serious glow-up for Slowbro, and I couldn’t be prouder of it. Let’s see what the official web page has to say about its battle style.

Slowbro wins

So when it’s all pumped up to battle, “stimulants in its body” cause it to hulk out and speed up. Pretty cool so far, but how did it get those Poison-type abilities?

Slowbro, Slowpoke

So it got its new type from the chemicals in Shellder and the Slowpoke’s…

Slowpoke spices

The Slowpoke’s….

spices

So today the world learned that Slowpoke has spices inside its body. This raises approximately seven million questions, but I’ll try to focus on the big ones. Do all Slowpokes have spice-producing organs? Do they differ from region to region? Does a braciole of fresh, Azure Bay Slowpoke Tail from Restaurant Le Yeah in Lumiose City really taste that good?

And what about Slowbro? Do the Shellder’s chemicals mix with Galarian Slowpoke’s inner ingredients to create the Spice Melange? Is its increased speed merely a side effect of increased prescience? Is this all one big Dune reference???

The series is not shy about the topic of Pokémon used as food. In the cartoon, Ash’s Dex spouts this amazing factoid: “Farfetch’d: a Wild Duck Pokémon. Farfetch’d makes a delicious meal, especially when cooked with leek. Because of this, Farfetch’d is nearly extinct.” One of the major plot points in Gold, Silver, and Crystal is Team Rocket’s overuse of Slowpoke tails. Sure they grow back, but still. And one of the ingredients for curry in Sword and Shield is Smoke-Poke Tail. Have our avatars been enjoying the savory Slowpoke spices this whole time? Without us?

I’ll probably never have the answers I’m looking for when it comes to this topic, but I can only think about one thing right now: How does a well-prepared Slowbro taste?

Dominick Ashtear

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